


why simon and baz should really use silencing spells

by saltalyn



Series: he's the sun and he's the moon [8]
Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: Bottom Simon, Excessive use of italics, M/M, Non-Explicit Sex, Pet Names, Post-Book 2: Wayward Son, Top Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, You decide!, a million pet names bc i!! love!!! them!!!!, anyway the boys watch buzzfeed unsolved, but it's still Too Painful, i would reread wayward son to get the characterization down, like it's just dialogue overheard by characters, penny and shepard can be together i literally don't care, penny is so done with them, rated mature for MANY swear words, sherpard is just there bc idrk how to write him yet, the beach scene is also mentioned oh god, the cliffhanger at watford is vaguely mentioned, they are Happy after wayward son, they are in love and perfectly happy bc i said so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:01:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27264658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saltalyn/pseuds/saltalyn
Summary: Simon and Baz finally get the flat to themselves when Penny and Shepard go out. Not bothering to use a silencing spell, Penny and Shepard overhear them being rather loud.prompt #28: "DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE!"
Relationships: Penelope Bunce & Shepard, Penelope Bunce & Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch & Simon Snow, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Series: he's the sun and he's the moon [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1865137
Comments: 4
Kudos: 128





	why simon and baz should really use silencing spells

**Author's Note:**

> i also wrote this during online school!! i put this in the drafts the day rainbow announced the release date for awtwb and im so excited!! i've pre-ordered it already and have a countdown lol

Penelope is going out with the American, to go sight-seeing or something. This means that Simon and Baz have the small London flat all to themselves.

Since returning from America, Simon and Baz have rarely had any alone time together. What with the disastrous nightmare at Watford and the Coven’s inquiries as to what they got up to across the pond, they were kept rather busy.

Before Agatha got settled back in with her parents, she stayed at Simon and Penny’s flat. The flat was already small, practically a shoebox, so it appeared to be even smaller with two extra bodies. Shepard camped out on the sofa, and Penny shared her room with Agatha.

Obviously, Baz stayed in Simon’s room, not wanting to be away from each other even though Simon was still adverse to physical contact. He felt uncomfortable in his skin, more so when someone touched him.

Slowly, after months of therapy and hard conversations, Simon let Baz sleep, curled around him in his bed, and touch him without asking. 

They’ve come full circle, in a way. At the beginning of their relationship (well only the first day, really) it was lovely, lively, and passionate. After the Mage and Ebb’s deaths, Simon became a shell of a person; he wasn’t all there anymore. The States gave him that twinkle in his eye back, albeit a bit duller.

At the renaissance faire, that twinkle was at its full brightness, and Baz fell in love all over again. Then, Baz almost lost him forever. Their first difficult conversation after the beach was on the aeroplane. Penelope had somehow snagged two seats next to each other, and gave them to Simon and Baz. Simon looked nervous and Baz scowled at her.

Baz gave Simon the window seat, because he had never flown before, but also because Baz would do anything for him; including sitting between his boyfriend who was moments away from ending it, and a large man that spilled out of his seat and into Baz’s.

It was tense, extremely quiet at first, until Simon sucked in a breath and grabbed Baz’s hand as the plane began to lift. It was nice to see some child-like excitement in him after the week they’d had, after the _life_ he’d had.

When Simon squeezed his hand, Baz knew it meant that Simon wasn’t giving up on them.

At Watford, Simon had looked glorious, celestial while swooping around and slashing the sword Headmistress Bunce had lent him.

Finally, they’d worked things out and began making up for lost time.

“Alright, boys. Off out,” Penelope said. Shepard was standing in the doorway of their flat, holding it open. Penny tugged Simon down and planted a kiss on his cheek, then did the same to Baz. “Do not defile our sofa,” she said sternly.

Simon’s cheeks turned red and Baz smirked. 

He said, “No promises,” at the same time Simon said, “Bye, Pen.”

Penny faked a gag, following Shepard out who said, “Gross,” then, “See ya, guys.”

Baz was still a bit startled by Shepard’s accent at times, having only been around British people for the first twenty years of his life.

As soon as the door clicked shut, Baz locked it, pouncing on Simon a moment later.

“Oomph,” Simon exhaled. Baz slotted their lips together, not bothering to wait before slipping his tongue into Simon’s mouth.

Simon brought his hands up, threading them through Baz’s thick locks and tugging.

Baz led them backwards, only separating their lips to push Simon to the sofa and climb on top of him.

“P- Penny said not… not to… the sofa,” he panted.

“Don’t mention Bunce while we’re snogging,” Baz snapped.

Simon tasted like syrup and cinnamon (they’d just eaten French toast for breakfast).

Baz began trailing kisses along his jaw, to his neck, complaining all the way, “We’ve hardly had any alone time, it’s a bloody travesty, darling.”

Simon let out a whimper while Baz was sucking a love bite in exactly the right spot.

“I know, babe,” Simon sighed. “We’ve had a full flat every day, it’s like they’ve nothing to do.”

Simon pulled Baz up to him, reconnecting their lips. Sucking on Baz’s tongue, he ran a hand under Baz’s collared shirt. He curved a hand around the dip in Baz’s waist, squeezing when Baz bit his lip.

Baz jolted, jostling them.

“What was that?” Simon questioned.

“Nothing,” Baz said quickly.

“Are you ticklish?” Simon asked incredulously.

“Of course not,” Baz said, “you would know already if I were.”

“Mm, I think you’re bluffing.”

“I bloody well am not,” Simon walked two fingers up Baz’s thigh, under his shirt. “DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE!” Baz exclaimed. Simon ignored his warning, digging his fingers into Baz’s side.

Baz shrieked and tried batting his hand away, but he held steady. Simon bucked his hips and rolled them off the sofa, using his other hand to cushion Baz’s head.

Baz had vowed to never use his heightened strength on Simon, unless he’d been asked to, so he had to lie there, writhing, while being _tortured_ by his so-called “boyfriend.”

He was squealing and giggling under Simon, kicking his feet and frantically pushing against Simon’s hands.

“Stop… stop,” he said, voice a few octaves higher. “I hate you, you fucking oaf. You’re _manhandling_ me, you sodding numpty!”

Baz would allow this to continue a bit longer, only to see the open-mouthed smile on his love’s face, along with his hysterical laughter.

Simon Snow’s smile was brighter than the sun, and Baz would do everything within his power to keep one on his face. “I never knew you were this ticklish, I would’ve been doing this _ages_ ago!” Simon said, clearly overjoyed.

Sensing an opening, Baz hooked his leg over Simon’s left and bucked up, rolling them over. He pinned Simon’s infernal hands above his head and dragged his nose up his neck. “You’re lucky I love you, darling,” he whispered into his ear, hoarse and deep.

Simon shivered, muttering, “Fuck.”

“You aren’t so high and mighty now, are you, sweetheart?”

“N- no,” he stuttered.

“That’s what I thought.” Baz bit down gently on Simon’s earlobe. “You’re gorgeous, you know that?”

“Baz… Baz,” Simon moaned as Baz placed open-mouthed kisses across his neck.

“I’ve always loved your Adam’s apple, and that little showy swallow you do.” Simon swallowed involuntarily. “There it is.”

“N- not the floor,” Simon started, high and breathy. “Bedroom, now, please.”

“Of course, darling,” Baz rose to his feet, offering his hand to Simon, picking him up bridal-style as soon as Simon got to his feet.

“You’re so strong. Fuck,” Simon swore. He nuzzled his face into Baz’s neck, pressing his lips to his pulse point.

* * *

Penny and Shepard stopped by, not long after leaving to pick up Shepard’s forgotten wallet.

 _“Fuck, harder!”_ they heard a voice from Simon’s bedroom. They met each other’s eyes from across the sitting room. _“Fuck, fuck, fuck! Harder, right there, faster, baby, right there, fuck me!”_

Penny recognized it as Simon’s voice and shuddered. “Nicks and Slick,” she groaned.

Even frozen in shock, Shepard still managed to ask, “What does that even mean? I’ve been meaning to ask you.”

Penny sighed, “The celebrities: Stevie Nicks and Grace Slick.”

Continuous sounds floated through the hallway. _“You feel so good, love,”_ Baz moaned. 

“ _Fuck, baby, keep going, please. Oh, Christ, don’t stop.”_

_“Crowley, I love when you swear like a Normal. Darling- keep doing that, oh, Merlin.”_

_“Close- close, I’m so close.”_

Penny thought, _Curse these thin walls_. She plugged her ears and braved the walk to her room. (Somewhat) luckily, Penny’s door came before Simon’s, meaning she didn’t have to pass by it. “Fucking hell,” she muttered.

 _“I know, love, me too. You’re almost there._ ”

_“Shit, Baz. Come with me.”_

_“I love you.”_

_“Jesus fuck, I love you, too. God, so much.”_

There was a litany of hisses of their names and elongated groans, which Penny took to mean… well… you know.

After grabbing the wallet, Penny closed her door gently and mouthed to Shepard, “Let’s get _out_ of here.” Shep readily agreed, shutting the front door quietly behind them.

Well, it’s not like Penny didn’t know what they’d be up to when they were alone; she just didn’t expect to have to return so soon for Shep’s stupid wallet. 

* * *

When Penny and Shep returned once again, Simon and Baz were cuddled up on the sofa watching _BuzzFeed Unsolved_.

Baz was flat on his back, one arm behind his head, his other hand idly combing through Simon’s bronze curls. Simon was on his front, torso between Baz’s thighs, head resting on Baz’s abdomen. His right hand was splayed across Baz’s heart, the left dangling off the cushion. His red dragon wings were out in all their glory. Penny had seen this episode, “The Creepy Murder In Room 1046.”

The sight made Penny soften, a bit. Simon and Baz, _her boys_ were happy and relaxed, not a care in the world.

“Hey, Pen, Shep,” Simon said casually, like they hadn’t heard him fucking his vampire boyfriend. He probably didn’t, actually. But Baz did, Penny made eye contact with him and there was a mutual understanding.

“You couldn’t have used a bloody silencing spell?” she asked wearily.

“Why would we, Bunce?” Baz sneered, “We were _supposed_ to be home alone.”

Simon’s head popped up. “What?” Simon’s eyes traveled from Penny, to Shep, up to his boyfriend. Baz's, the tosser, face relaxed, eyeing him adoringly. “You mean they-?”

 _Ugh, they’re sickening,_ she thought.

“Yes, love.”

“Well, shit,” he said plainly, shoving his face into Baz’s stomach while Baz smiled affectionately.

His smile dropped as he turned. “Anyway, Bunce, Shepard, no one told you to come back early. We aren’t the ones to blame.”

“Oh, fuck off,” Penny scoffed. Shepard stood behind her, silently trying not to relive what had transpired. “Let’s go, Shep, we’ll leave the rabbits to themselves.”

Baz rolled his eyes and looked down at Simon, shrugging.

“Moving on, I think Owen's lover--Don, was it?--beat and stabbed him to death.”

“That’s a bit vulgar, innit?”

“I don't know what possessed him to do that, but it’s the most logical theory,'' Baz said.

“You just want them to be gay,” Simon snickered.

“So what if I do?”

“I would never beat you to death in our hotel room, darling,” Simon said seriously.

Baz chuckled, Simon’s head bouncing with the shake of his body.

“That’s incredibly romantic of you.”

**Author's Note:**

> this one was rather short. im pretty uncomfortable writing smut, this is probably like the furthest i'll go asdfghjkl. leave a kudos and a comment to let me if you enjoyed!


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